Carers are all ages and from all backgrounds. Many won’t describe themselves as a Carer, it’s just what they do for their husband, wife, partner, family member, friend or neighbour. Everyone’s experience as a Carer is different. Here some Carers share what it’s like for them, and why accessing information and support is so vital to their well-being.
“I’ve only had 3 full weeks' break in 4 years”
Kay lives with her husband in a small village near the south coast. She moved there with her husband when they retired. When a few years ago her husband was diagnosed with vascular dementia it was a real shock.
“It has changed our lives enormously. My husband’s condition has deteriorated. He can do very little for himself and being a Carer takes up almost all of my time. I’ve had to give up many of the pursuits I enjoyed. I got involved with a local Carers organisation which led to a Carer assessment. I now get a little help with respite to get a few hours a week to myself. I’ve only had 3 full weeks break in 4 years. It’s really exhausting and a strain mentally and emotionally. Having more weeks off would really help me keep going.”
“I went on training and got support from people I met. After doing this all alone, it made a major difference."
James is a Carer for his dad who has a heart condition and also has mental health problems.
“My dad had been my mum’s Carer but after she died he became ill and needed looking after. I tried to help but so much was needed. I was doing my best but didn’t know how I could do it all. After contacting my local Carer organisation I realised I was isolated. I went on training and got support from people I met. After doing this all alone, it made a major difference.
“Going to a Carers' organisation proved to be one of the best things I've done”
Clive has been a Carer for his wife for 6 years since she had an accident and became disabled.
“I had to give up my job and accept that our lives would change. We moved from having a good income to living on benefits. My old life with a busy and demanding job were gone for good. I started to become easily upset and unable to deal with any stressful situation. I wondered how much longer I could carry on. Going to a Carers' organisation proved to be one of the best things I’ve done. I’m now volunteering for them, using some of my old skills and feeling valued again.”
“I’ve not really told anyone at school that I’m a Carer”
Emma is a Carer for her mum who has mental health problems.
I spend a lot of time trying to shield my younger sister from having to deal with everything. Sometimes it can affect how I’m feeling. I could be having the most amazing day ever and I walk in the house and mum’s having a bad day and all that’s happened disappears. I do struggle at school due to me being tired from all the things I have to do at home. I get quite agitated about how mum is and in my free periods I usually go home to check on mum. My school attendance is pretty low and I find it hard to get my coursework done in time. I’ve not really told anyone at school that I’m a Carer.
“As my wife’s full-time Carer I’m exhausted”
M is a full-time Carer for his 85 year old wife who has dementia and requires constant supervision.
“She gets very fidgety and wanders constantly - she is known for wandering out of the house on to the main road if someone isn’t with her all the time. As my wife’s full time Carer, I’m exhausted. Through Crossroads Care in Kent I have been able to get some regular time off each week, to have a break and work on my allotment. They have also been able to provide replacement care for my wife when necessary so that I can attend health appointments myself – I have angina."
“Becoming a Carer to a previously independent young adult is very emotional and distressing”
T cares for his son who is experiencing mental health problems.
“Becoming a carer to a previously independent young adult is very emotional and distressing, one which impacts on the whole family, affecting both their personal and work life. The suddenness of this situation makes you realise that a change in one’s mental health can happen to anyone. Receiving non-judgmental advice and support from a carer organisation has been invaluable to me and my family at a time of crisis. Initially, it was difficult to focus on anything else but the situation and the stigma that accompanies it but with the immediate and ongoing support, we have been more able to cope and know how to support our son and each other."
“I’ve realised that I am a good, calm, patient Carer."
Gill cares for her husband who has Lewy Body Dementia.
“ I gradually took on a caring role for my husband as his health deteriorated. He ceased to be independent from 2014. He can’t choose his clothes, do any personal care himself, needs help getting dressed, getting in and out of bed, toileting, food and drink. I don’t like to leave him on his own. He rarely realises I am his wife. He sees me as male and female, friends, former work colleagues, family members and strangers at various times. I have learnt to live with him in his own world without contradiction.
Aside from the 2 visits he makes to a day centre each week and 3 hours every Friday when someone comes to sit with him, I care for him 24/7.I also work – just three hours a day - but I have to get up at 5 am to fit my hours around my caring role which is emotionally exhausting.
The positives of being a Carers are that I feel even closer to my husband I’ve realised that I am a good, calm, patient Carer. I’ve made lots of new friends through becoming a Carer too and I’m part of an online network which provides support and laughter to those in the same boat across the world.
The loss of freedom is the hardest thing for me. I feel very tired and it’s a strain. I feel a pressure to stay fit and healthy but it’s difficult finding time to manage my own health issues. It’s very wearing being constantly concerned for someone else but it’s also difficult to face up to the need for some respite care every now and then.
Being a Carer can be horrendously challenging. Good support and getting some regular respite are both vital for me."
“Becoming a Carer to a previously independent young adult is very emotional and distressing”
T cares for his son who is experiencing mental health problems.
“Becoming a carer to a previously independent young adult is very emotional and distressing, one which impacts on the whole family, affecting both their personal and work life. The suddenness of this situation makes you realise that a change in one’s mental health can happen to anyone. Receiving non-judgmental advice and support from a carer organisation has been invaluable to me and my family at a time of crisis. Initially, it was difficult to focus on anything else but the situation and the stigma that accompanies it but with the immediate and ongoing support, we have been more able to cope and know how to support our son and each other."